Friday 8th June 2012 1:22pm
Death of UK man in Thailand highlights Thai Bride stereotype in British press
In March this year a leading UK newspaper reported the murder of an elderly UK man and his 'Thai Bride'. The 'Thai Bride' was 52 years old and the couple had been married for a number of years.
Most foreign men and Thai women who are married and are located in foreign countries report that the single biggest obstacle to the success of their relationships is not cultural differences or language barriers but a real prejudice towards such 'Thai Bride' relationships which often takes them by surprise. 'I'd seen Fred on Corrie and I knew that many people would look at me a bit strangely but what I didn't anticipate was the hostility particularly from other women here,' says Andy from Chester in the United Kingdom. 'But my wife was great, she was stronger than me, she just wanted to make new friends.'
In most cases the Thai bride and her relationship partner simply 'get on with it' and despite the prejudice research shows that the divorce rate for such relationships is about 15% for marriages between Thai women and foreign men registered from 1992 to 2012 in Bangkok whereas a similar divorce rate for relationships in the United Kingdom was 33% and in some European the countries the figure is well over 50%.
It is quite normal to hear Thai women who marry European men referred as their 'Thai brides' rather than as their wives? There is a great deal of stereotyping of Thai women that borders on racism, yet Thailand and its capital city Bangkok are no more immoral than any other city in the world.
Thailand appears to have had a bad press in some quarters relating to Thai women and their motives for marrying Western men. There are many examples of this, not only explicit, but also implicit in Thailand being regarded as the sex capital of Asia by most Western men. In fact, that is nonsense, and before discussing the reasons for that statement let's have a look at some examples of the way in which a Thai bride is stereotyped and how Thailand, and Bangkok in particular, is maligned.
How much is a Thai Bride?
American TV serials and Hollywood often portray the hapless Thai Bride and the abusive US husband (or foreign husband). The truth is that most relationships between Thai women and men from developed countries in the US, Canada, Europe and Australia are happy and constructive marriages. Some are more old fashioned relationships while others involving marriages between younger Thai women and western men are comparatively modern. It is the success of these Western Thai relationships and marriages that is causing other women (and men) in Thailand and partners from developed countries to expand the phenomenon through word of mouth and recommendation. Nothing succeeds quite like success. If the horror stories about Thai Brides and abusive western men were the norm the trend would not continue to grow.
However there are certainly cases or even patterns of abuse in marriages between Thai women and foreign men particularly in northern European countries. The marriages and relationships which fail result in suffering for all parties. In many of these cases the foreign husband has entered into the relationship with the old fashioned concept of a 'Thai Bride' who can be bought.
'There are many older guys out there still trying to find out how to buy a Thai Bride! These men see this as an opportunity to exploit and not surprisingly these are the relationships that fail and it usually is more grief for the guy in the first place,' says a Canadian journalist who works for a leading newspaper in Bangkok. 'I wouldn't necessarily say these guys are looking for sex slaves but they often have a rigid idea of what they want and it is not exactly a meaningful loving relationship. Many of these guys think that they can find a Thai Bride without even coming to Thailand! All they want to know is what is the price of a Thai Bride!'
Documented cases of abuse of Thai women have been unearthed in Germany, Sweden and Australia in recent years where wronged Thai Brides have been rescued from lives of abuse but who successfully pursued their rights in court.
However the authorities in nearly all western countries have developed programmes to deal with these situations beginning with strict vetting of all visa applications. In these countries measures have also been taken to protect western men from abuse at the hands of Thai Brides who have deliberately entered into sham marriages in order to exploit visa regulations and spousal property rights in foreign countries. Some commentators feel that such measures are unjustly weighted against the Thai Bride denying her the same rights as that of indigenous brides. A Thai Bride married to a UK man with a university education and who had worked in Thailand's media scene was held by UK border police in a holding cell in Glasgow Airport after flying in from Thailand when her husband repudiated their marriage. The Thai woman sued the UK authorities and won her case but still faced difficulties obtaining a visa to travel to the United Kingdom to pursue her interests including a divorce from her UK husband. She is now reported to be taking a case to the European courts.
'I think that the governments are in a tricky position and are simply not really up to speed with what is going on. Part of this is poor media coverage. I feel most of these cases arise from the old fashioned mail order bride syndrome. It's quite different for many of today's Thai women, who are educated and prospects, just that they are looking for something more promising; they search for relationships through the internet. In fact I know of some Thai Brides who help support Western men living in Thailand but you'll never hear any Thai woman admitting this. I know of a few cases like this,' said our Bangkok based journalist.
Death of a UK man and his Thai Bride
The report, by the UK's Daily Mail newspaper in March of 2012, concerning a UK man and his wife who were murdered in Thailand caused quite a reaction.
68 year-old Michael Raymond and his 52 year-old wife Suchada were found dead in their beach bungalow on the Gulf of Thailand. Three suspects admitted to the murder: a local fisherman, chef and security guard. They had robbed Mr. and Mrs. Raymond of a cell phone, an ATM car and 2,000 baht.
It is not so much the murder that inflamed expats living in Thailand, but the way the UK press reported the incident. The headline referred to "British Pensioner and Thai Bride". The couple had been married for two years and had been living in Bangkok since their marriage.
Expats, many with a Thai Bride themselves asked why the couple was they not referred to as Mr. and Mrs. Raymond, rather than as Mr. Raymond and his Thai Bride, Suchada Bonkamdi - are Thai wives not worthy of taking their husband's name in the British press? This is an explicit example of how Thai brides are treated differently to wives of other nationalities - and borders on racism. Why could they not have at least been referred to as husband and wife, which is precisely what they were?
The headline was a form of disrespect that inferred marriages between Thai women and Western men to be a sham, and arranged only for sex or money. Mixed marriages are not uncommon in Asia, and it seems only in the West that they are regarded as abnormal enough for the wife to be referred to as the man's 'bride' and not his 'wife', even after years of marriage.
Is every woman in the UK who has been married for only two years still referred to as a bride? Absolutely not, so why this stereotyping by people ignorant of the true situation in Thailand? What is it about Thai women that some should regard their marriages to foreigners with suspicion? It all started with the Americans back in the Vietnam War!
Thai Brides and American R&R
In the 60's and 70's, Thailand was used as a huge airbase by the U.S. during the Vietnam War, from where they launched air strikes on North Vietnam. Thailand was requested by the government of the USA to provide rest and recreation facilities to the American airmen, known as R&R. The Americans relabeled this to I&I: intercourse and intoxication, which appeared to be permitted by the Thai authorities because the financial benefit of the occupation to Thailand was significant. It is important to note however that prostitution in Thailand was made illegal by the government in 1960 and this remains the position. However a law was introduce in 1966 which seems to have allowed the establishment of the sex industry which thrived in this era. It was the birth of what we see now as the infamous Thai sex industry.
The 'year after year' $16 million cash injection into the Thai economy became an essential part of the country's income, and after the war it had to be replaced somehow. This was achieved by rising tourism which in turn fuelled increased 'I&I', with growing numbers of Thai women flocking to the capital and other tourist centers to make some extra money - keep in mind that there was, and still is, a vast gulf between the rich and the poor in Thailand.
Although many American men married Thai women, many also used them as mistresses and looked after their financial needs. However, once the Americans left many women were left destitute and had only one way to make money. Many American men, and those from other Western countries plus Australia, returned to Thailand after the war seeking more I&I, and the myth grew.
In fact, the truth is that Bangkok has only three red light districts, and is no more immoral than Amsterdam or the Reeperbahn in Hamburg. Are Dutch and German women stereotyped in the same way as Thai women? Of course not. How many people are aware that the concept of bargirls and go-go bars originates in China? Is China declared immoral, and do we hear of Chinese 'brides'?
Also, why is it when a British, Dutch or American man states that he is marrying, or even has married, a Thai woman, he is asked if she works or has worked in a bar - or even if she is or was a prostitute? If they don't ask it outright you can bet that's what his friends and family are thinking! How would you feel if your friends asked you if your fiancée or new wife used to work in a sex bar? It's the same thing - and if you don't think so then you, yourself, are guilty of stereotyping young Thai women.
Prejudice and Racism about Thailand
In fact, the word 'degrading' would be more appropriate than 'stereotyping'. Europeans and Americans appear to be completely ignorant, both of the Thai way of life and of their social structure. The vast majority of Thai families are hardworking and completely respectable, and those Thai women that marry Western men do so both for love and to improve their social and financial standing.
Yes, there are bargirls that will take advantage of westerners, but such young women are not restricted just to Thailand - you find them in every city in every country in the world. It appears to some to be both prejudice and racism that is involved here. The question has been asked many times - if a white man married a young white woman living in Thailand would she be referred to as his 'wife' or as his 'Thai bride'?
The problem actually goes further than that - young Thai women are generally regarded as being of loose morals. Whenever discussions get round to Thailand, the sleazy comments and sexual innuendos are endemic. Thailand appears to be regarded the country of sleaze, even though the country offers no more paid sex than most others in the world. The problem with Thailand's image is that the authorities are seen to support the Thai sex trade because it is thought to represent a significant part of the country's imported income. However the authorities in Thailand do take steps to deal with the sex industry and prostitution is not legal in Thailand as it is in some European countries. Even the attitude towards the Thai authorities needs to be examined.
Thailand is a developing country where corruption is on the decline and there is evidence that many deprived young women in Thailand are now opting for education and work opportunities as the Thai economy is improving. Part of the reason for this is the internet which has assisted many younger Thais particular Thai women. It is true also that many poorer Thai women use the internet to find friends, boyfriends and even life partners abroad. But this is not confined to poorer Thai women but also extends to more affluent Thai women. It is sometime difficult for those outside Thailand to understand the trend among this generation of Thai women and Thai men to look further than Thailand to embrace western culture and to learn. Many Thai women and Thai men using Thai dating sites simply want to interact with foreigners and learn English. Internet research shows that 75% of those using the internet outside Bangkok are Thai women.
Moral and Religious Thai women
The reality is that only a very small proportion of Thailand's population is involved with the infamous Thai sex industry, so it doesn't say much for the education or the morality of European men if they regard Thailand as the place to go for sex - particularly for underage sex. What many do not realize is that Asians look younger than Europeans and Americans and your 14 year-old Thai is likely to be aged over 21!
Next time you are in London, Paris, New York or Melbourne, check out the classified ads and men's magazines. You will find just as many massage parlors and escort agencies as you will in Thailand, and that's without looking at the sleazier areas of New York, Paris and London.
The stereotyping of Thai brides is a sign of the way that westerners are uneducated about Thailand as a land of beautiful temples, wonderful art and strong family relationships. The people are largely very moral and religious, and Thai families as supportive of each other as anywhere else on earth.
ThaiLoveLines.com
Saturday 12 January 2013
Thai culture and the position of women in Thailand
A little understanding helps in marrying a Thai woman
Western men are advised to do a bit of homework before setting out to marry a Thai woman.
'I think any western man thinking of marrying a Thai woman should do a little homework,' says Pat Dawson a feature writer for one of Bangkok's leading newspapers. 'It wouldn't hurt to start by looking at Buddhist culture,' he says.
Before marrying a Thai woman he says it is important that you understand the position of Thai women in society and her potential motives for marrying you. While most Thai women will marry you for the same reason you are marrying her, and make fabulously attentive and loving wives, there are cultural differences that you should know about.
Marrying a Thai woman: Thai women in society
If you are considering marrying a Thai woman, you should first make yourself aware of the role of Thai women in society, and how they expect both you and them to behave. Because Thailand is fundamentally a Buddhist society, the women are regarded as inferior to the men, and they do not have the same rights or position in society as men do - including their husbands.
Thai women cannot be expected to act and participate in society in the same way a western woman would, and in some cases men marrying a Thai woman are disappointed in the way they participate in their Western-style society. However, if you understand the reasons for this, your marriage could be as wonderful as you want it to be: a little understanding goes a long way.
One of the major problems when western and traditional eastern cultures meet is in the way that men and women regard each other. For example, even today, sex before marriage is frowned upon in Thailand, and is not a normally occurrence. In Thailand, boys and girls want each other to be the first for each other when they marry, while they believe that with eastern young people the male wants to be the first man for his girlfriend, while the female wants to be the last woman for her boyfriend.
In Thai society, men and women are not traditionally used to displaying acts of affection in public, such as kissing or even holding hands. It is generally not acceptable for Thai boys and girls to stay overnight together unless they are with others in a group. However, likely because of exposure to western TV and movies and also the internet, these norms are being broken, and young Thais now openly show those signs of affection that are commonplace in the west.
When marrying a Thai woman, the Western man should be aware of these norms and of the place held by Thai women in society. Although young Thais are getting a feeling of the Western ways from the media to which they have more access, they also believe that most foreigners are rich in comparison to themselves. For many young Thai women this is likely true.
Understanding Thai women in society is very important for anybody from the USA, Australia or Europe who intends marrying a Thai woman. The following are some reasons for young Thai females agreeing to marry foreigners. They may also involve feelings of love, but because of their culture it is important that you understand these things:
Western men are rich
Most Thai girls believe Western men to be rich, and has already been stated, this is often the case in terms of relating the average earnings of a Westerner with the average Thai male. In some cases the woman will agree to the marriage simply for the money, and such marriages are certainly not made in heaven. They often end in tears and the loss of a great deal of cash by the man.
However, you should be able to tell if the girl you have chosen feels the same about you. Thai women fall in love with Western men just as they with young people from their own country, and while the initial attraction might have been your wallet, it might not be why they marry you. You should take the same time to get to know them as you would a girl back home. Many American and European women will fall for a very rich guy - you just have to learn to tell the difference!
Family obligations
Most Westerners fail to understand the family ties of Thai women. For some women, marrying a foreigner is a way out of certain poverty for her and for her family - even if she does love you. This is not a mercenary obligation as many Westerners claim, but is simply an example of the close family relationships that exist between the members of Thai families: if a Thai bride has married a moneyed groom, then the family would expect to be cared for, even if the groom was a Thai. The same would be true if a rich woman married a poor Thai man. You might feel the same if you married a wealthy Thai woman.
The Dowry or Sin Sod
The dowry, or sin sod, is an integral part of Thai culture, and is tended as a gesture of honor to the bride's family for bringing her up well. The dowry also signifies that the groom is able to look after his bride financially. The average dowry you would expect to pay for an educated young woman would from $3,000 - $10,000, though some ask for up to $30,000 and more. More than $10,000 for a university educated Thai bride is excessive. The dowry is today generally no more than a symbolic indication of the wealth of the groom, and returned in full, or sometimes in part, after the wedding.
Thai culture
Women have very defined roles in Thai society and within marriage. The expansion of education in Thailand and improvement of women's rights has opened the door to younger Thai women to take up posts in the civil service and in commercial organisations. At present, it is estimated that over half those working within the Thai civil service are women. However even prior to this there is a long cultural tradition in Thailand where women are seen as responsible for handling the financial affairs in families and the engagement of commerce. A Thai government survey in 1946 found that 75% of all registered small traders were women.
Despite this, the role of women in society has been slow to change and there is a strict moral code. Despite the infamous Thai prostitution industry, only a minute percentage of Thai women have ever been involved in the industry. It is important to remember this. Although Thai society has a different or 'softer' attitude towards prostitution and it is accepted that many poor families will send daughters into the industry, no Thai man would ever consider marriage to such a woman. In Thai society there is also a stigma attached to women who are divorced or separated from their husbands.
A Thai wife is expected to be supportive of her husband as we see from the phrase that the husband is the front legs of the elephant while the wife is the hind legs, driving and supporting decisions taken by her husband.
Thailand is still a patriarchal society although it is changing but it is changing very slowly.
The acceptance of prostitution highlights this. It should be noted that the prostitution industry in Thailand exists primarily to service Thai men. It is not simply an invention to satisfy sex tourism as often portrayed in the media. Indeed there are some forces within the prostitution industry in Thailand who fear the westernization of Thailand as it offers Thai women, who do not fit into Thai society, more options. The internet, a western influence, is one of the key tools that are helping to empower under privileged Thai women.
We have seen compelling stories of some women driven by forces in Thai society into prostitution who have opted instead to find foreign husbands. One example of this is Sommai, formerly a sex worker in Pattaya who married a Danish man 15 years ago, who has now gone on to create a large community of Thai women married to Danish men in an isolated part of Denmark.
Thai women in general are becoming more educated, many now going on to third level education. However, the power of Thai culture is difficult for westerners to understand. It is very difficult for Thai women to actively go against their own culture including key principles that have been ingrained since birth. Many of these principles are Buddhist.
It is often pointed out that Thailand was never colonized but this has led to a living and powerful sense of culture and identity which reaches down to all levels of Thai society.
The westernization of Thai society can be seen in Bangkok and urban centres in Thailand where it is not uncommon now for Thai women to work outside the home but most Thai wives still play a supporting role to their husbands.
In July 2010 Thailand elected its first female Prime Minister in Yingluck Shiniwatra. This is a step, and a big one, although the country is still very traditional and still largely patriarchal. It will be a while yet before women control the marriage bed, although many men married to Thai women believe they do that now.
Understanding Thai women in society is most important before you make the decision that marrying a Thai woman is what you want in the long term. If you do, then you will be marrying a woman who will take good care of you for your entire life, as long as you also take care of her. She is marrying you so that she will feel secure, personally and financially, and if you can do that then you will have a wife for life!
ThaiLoveLinks.com
Relationship breakdown driving Western men to seek love and marriage with Thai Women
Tuesday 14th June 2011 11:33pm
Relationship breakdown driving Western men to seek love and marriage with Thai Women
It is now estimated that Western men immigrating to Thailand are supporting over one million jobs in the Thai economy with over one hundred thousand foreign husbands in Thailand's North Eastern provinces alone.
UK man Martin Wheeler 47 came to Thailand over 17 years ago and married his Thai bride Rojan from Khon Khaen in Isaan reputed to be one of Thailand's poorest areas. A graduate of London University, Wheeler began his new life in Thailand's north east working as a laborer before progressing to working in a rural development project which promotes agricultural self sufficiency in Thailand.
'My wife warned me about Isaan being one of the poorest places in Thailand, but I thought 'if this is poor, I'll have some of it.' Wheeler says that if people can accept a lack of education and the prospect of earning a lot of money then Thailand's provincial countryside has a lot of appeal as a way of life. While Martin Wheeler is like many UK men who are opting to settle in Thailand,there has been an explosive growth in the number of Thai Brides in the UK in the last two years.
Wheeler acknowledges the attraction of Western men to Thai women and the corresponding appeal to a Thai woman living in Thailand's poor countryside of marriage to a western man. 'It's a win win situation, but it's not a love story,' Wheeler says. 'It's finance, and it's sex. It's a mirror of what is wrong with the West, not what's wrong with Thailand.'
Although Wheeler lives in Thailand with his Thai bride, Australian Graham Chappel and his bride have settled in Australia and he may disagree that his marriage is not a love story.
Graham from Brisbane met his Thai Bride Yosita on ThaiLoveLines in July 2008 and the couple has lived in Australia together for the last eighteen months. He describes himself as 'utterly surprised' everyday that he has a Thai born wife but also experiences a 'sense of wonder' at how happy they are together.
The self employed businessman, in an article written for the ThaiLoveLines News Centre calls for a debate on 'where western society' is going. 'I am so thankful for my Thai wife that I almost feel I have a duty to tell other people about it and try to figure out what is wrong. I'm a decent bloke, I've loved women in Australia, in fact, I love women in general, the women here Australia are living a nightmare too. I know it's the same in very western country, 'society has gone nuts.'
'I know there are many men like me and younger men too, they're almost afraid these days to marry,' he says. 'I believe the cause of it is the feminist movement and the kind of government policies that we've all had to put up with since the sixties.'
Mr Chappels statement comes days after divorce lawyers in the United States confirmed that social networking sites like Facebook and My Space are now used as evidence in 20% of divorces as, increasingly; online behaviour is being used as grounds for divorce. In the United States 71% of all divorces are instigated by women. In his book 'Fatherless America' the author David Blankenhorn describes the crisis as the 'most destructive trend in our generation'. Studies conducted by US universities have found that children of relationships that break down are four times more likely to divorce themselves.
'It has definitely become more common (Thai women marrying Western men) but it is wrong to think that Thai women are not feminists or weaker then women in western societies,' says a female lawyer in Bangkok who has become an expert on Thailand's growing number of interracial marriages. 'In Thailand the feminist movement is also active in promoting women's rights but at a more practical level', she says. Although she affirms the increased incidence of Thai women marrying western men, she also points out to a spike in divorce rates among this group in courts throughout the North east provinces of Thailand. 'Divorce is not just something for western countries; in fact Thailand's divorce codes are quite progressive in many ways.'
Some Thai academics are quick to underline an economic link to the surge in Thai women marrying western men and it may also be said that the breakdown in marriages in western countries may too be linked to increased economic development. Buapan Promhakping, an associate professor of humanities at Khon Khaen University has studied interracial marriages between western men and Thai women in Isaan and concludes that it has created a huge income gap between cross culture couples and villagers in the region. She has concluded that it has fuelled increased materialism and consumerism. 'Nowadays in the villages, parents will say to their daughter: 'If your Thai husband is no good you can divorce him and find a farang (foreign) husband.'
Despite the economic downturn slowing somewhat, the rate of divorce in western countries, in some US states, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Commentators agree that this is one of the key drivers in the flight of western men seeking Thai women to marry or as relationship partners.
But what is the attraction between Western men and Thai women? Is it literally a marriage of convenience? Or is it a cross cultural phenomenon? Some Thai women say that they are more attracted to Western men because of the increased level of care and attention that western men are perceived to given their wives or girlfriends. It should be noted that only a very small percentage of Thai women are interested in finding western men or husbands. Thailand's society has traditionally been unusually paternalistic in nature with Thai men often exercising their rights to mistresses or second wives in a culture that historically differs from that of western countries.
Some Thai women express the view that they prefer western men because:
•Western men are perceived as more faithful and less promiscuous (jai choo) than Thai men by this group of women
•Western men are seen to be worldlier at a time when Thailand is beginning more and more to look outwards.
•It has to be said that some Thai women, particularly those less well off, see western men as having more financial resources and this is the key factor for some Thai women.
•Although objectionable for most westerners and Thais, there is an opinion out there among some Thai women that expresses a preference for non Asian men with 'white skin'. This deplorable perception may be encouraged by increased globalization and the increasing prevalence and attraction of western culture.
In return Western men see Thai women as:
•More easygoing and easy to get along with. Thai people have a very easy going nature which is linked with Thai culture and Buddhism.
•More traditional and family orientated. Thai culture places great emphasis on the family in particular on respect for the elderly and duties within the family.
•More feminine in their appearance. Many western men feel western feminism has made western women less feminine and certainly less concerned on looking attractive for men. It should also be said that Thai culture underscores a need to be more polite and soft spoken which contributes to the allure of Thai women as being more feminine.
•Some western men simply see Thai women as more exotic and beautiful
It may be true to say that the growth in relationships between Thai women may be representative in a growth throughout the world in interracial marriages. There is also increased evidence that younger western men are following this path. It is insightful to note that the median age of those forming successful relationships online has dropped on ThaiLoveLines surveys from 44 years in 2007 to 39 in 2010.
Relationship breakdown driving Western men to seek love and marriage with Thai Women
It is now estimated that Western men immigrating to Thailand are supporting over one million jobs in the Thai economy with over one hundred thousand foreign husbands in Thailand's North Eastern provinces alone.
UK man Martin Wheeler 47 came to Thailand over 17 years ago and married his Thai bride Rojan from Khon Khaen in Isaan reputed to be one of Thailand's poorest areas. A graduate of London University, Wheeler began his new life in Thailand's north east working as a laborer before progressing to working in a rural development project which promotes agricultural self sufficiency in Thailand.
'My wife warned me about Isaan being one of the poorest places in Thailand, but I thought 'if this is poor, I'll have some of it.' Wheeler says that if people can accept a lack of education and the prospect of earning a lot of money then Thailand's provincial countryside has a lot of appeal as a way of life. While Martin Wheeler is like many UK men who are opting to settle in Thailand,there has been an explosive growth in the number of Thai Brides in the UK in the last two years.
Wheeler acknowledges the attraction of Western men to Thai women and the corresponding appeal to a Thai woman living in Thailand's poor countryside of marriage to a western man. 'It's a win win situation, but it's not a love story,' Wheeler says. 'It's finance, and it's sex. It's a mirror of what is wrong with the West, not what's wrong with Thailand.'
Although Wheeler lives in Thailand with his Thai bride, Australian Graham Chappel and his bride have settled in Australia and he may disagree that his marriage is not a love story.
Graham from Brisbane met his Thai Bride Yosita on ThaiLoveLines in July 2008 and the couple has lived in Australia together for the last eighteen months. He describes himself as 'utterly surprised' everyday that he has a Thai born wife but also experiences a 'sense of wonder' at how happy they are together.
The self employed businessman, in an article written for the ThaiLoveLines News Centre calls for a debate on 'where western society' is going. 'I am so thankful for my Thai wife that I almost feel I have a duty to tell other people about it and try to figure out what is wrong. I'm a decent bloke, I've loved women in Australia, in fact, I love women in general, the women here Australia are living a nightmare too. I know it's the same in very western country, 'society has gone nuts.'
'I know there are many men like me and younger men too, they're almost afraid these days to marry,' he says. 'I believe the cause of it is the feminist movement and the kind of government policies that we've all had to put up with since the sixties.'
Mr Chappels statement comes days after divorce lawyers in the United States confirmed that social networking sites like Facebook and My Space are now used as evidence in 20% of divorces as, increasingly; online behaviour is being used as grounds for divorce. In the United States 71% of all divorces are instigated by women. In his book 'Fatherless America' the author David Blankenhorn describes the crisis as the 'most destructive trend in our generation'. Studies conducted by US universities have found that children of relationships that break down are four times more likely to divorce themselves.
'It has definitely become more common (Thai women marrying Western men) but it is wrong to think that Thai women are not feminists or weaker then women in western societies,' says a female lawyer in Bangkok who has become an expert on Thailand's growing number of interracial marriages. 'In Thailand the feminist movement is also active in promoting women's rights but at a more practical level', she says. Although she affirms the increased incidence of Thai women marrying western men, she also points out to a spike in divorce rates among this group in courts throughout the North east provinces of Thailand. 'Divorce is not just something for western countries; in fact Thailand's divorce codes are quite progressive in many ways.'
Some Thai academics are quick to underline an economic link to the surge in Thai women marrying western men and it may also be said that the breakdown in marriages in western countries may too be linked to increased economic development. Buapan Promhakping, an associate professor of humanities at Khon Khaen University has studied interracial marriages between western men and Thai women in Isaan and concludes that it has created a huge income gap between cross culture couples and villagers in the region. She has concluded that it has fuelled increased materialism and consumerism. 'Nowadays in the villages, parents will say to their daughter: 'If your Thai husband is no good you can divorce him and find a farang (foreign) husband.'
Despite the economic downturn slowing somewhat, the rate of divorce in western countries, in some US states, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Commentators agree that this is one of the key drivers in the flight of western men seeking Thai women to marry or as relationship partners.
But what is the attraction between Western men and Thai women? Is it literally a marriage of convenience? Or is it a cross cultural phenomenon? Some Thai women say that they are more attracted to Western men because of the increased level of care and attention that western men are perceived to given their wives or girlfriends. It should be noted that only a very small percentage of Thai women are interested in finding western men or husbands. Thailand's society has traditionally been unusually paternalistic in nature with Thai men often exercising their rights to mistresses or second wives in a culture that historically differs from that of western countries.
Some Thai women express the view that they prefer western men because:
•Western men are perceived as more faithful and less promiscuous (jai choo) than Thai men by this group of women
•Western men are seen to be worldlier at a time when Thailand is beginning more and more to look outwards.
•It has to be said that some Thai women, particularly those less well off, see western men as having more financial resources and this is the key factor for some Thai women.
•Although objectionable for most westerners and Thais, there is an opinion out there among some Thai women that expresses a preference for non Asian men with 'white skin'. This deplorable perception may be encouraged by increased globalization and the increasing prevalence and attraction of western culture.
In return Western men see Thai women as:
•More easygoing and easy to get along with. Thai people have a very easy going nature which is linked with Thai culture and Buddhism.
•More traditional and family orientated. Thai culture places great emphasis on the family in particular on respect for the elderly and duties within the family.
•More feminine in their appearance. Many western men feel western feminism has made western women less feminine and certainly less concerned on looking attractive for men. It should also be said that Thai culture underscores a need to be more polite and soft spoken which contributes to the allure of Thai women as being more feminine.
•Some western men simply see Thai women as more exotic and beautiful
It may be true to say that the growth in relationships between Thai women may be representative in a growth throughout the world in interracial marriages. There is also increased evidence that younger western men are following this path. It is insightful to note that the median age of those forming successful relationships online has dropped on ThaiLoveLines surveys from 44 years in 2007 to 39 in 2010.
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